Dark Triad in the Workplace

The Decision

I exited a dream job this year. Yes, even in this job market.

It wasn't an easy decision. Like many of us on here, work has been central to my life path. Since I was fourteen, I've been following opportunities all over the place (I taught ESL at a local tutoring center in Hong Kong and spent Summers in Chinese factories doing the same). Since then, I've worked for small businesses, studios, firms, freelancers and non-profits. At every turn, I exited with a renewed perspective on the world and what it is that I'm made of.

This exit was particularly emotionally difficult, though. The job was well suited to my background, leveraged my talents, and benefited from what I chose to pursue academically. It was also fully remote, which was something I had drooled over as an Internet Kid. So by all accounts, I really was giving up a dream job.

And not only on paper, but in actuality too. No matter how much perceived muck there may had been (because there's always more), the joy and pleasure from working with some of the most creative souls and brightest minds is infinite.

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To me, the yin yang symbol best captures what happens in the workplace — a place that not only brings total and complete strangers into harmonious competition, but also between one's own ego and assumed responsibilities. The workplace is nothing short of a miracle, and to so many of us, the remote workplace is an even greater miracle.

More time spent with loved ones, expanded accessibility, absence of operational down time... Yes, the remote workplace is full of miracles. As I now see it though, remote work — that is, to work without being in the presence of who you're working with — too easily breeds toxicity in the shadows.

Between our own motivations to overlook the lesser qualities in ourselves and the dark triad's many forms of expressions (narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy), its destructive means are subtle and can often be a slow burn. Onto that, when work is digitized, when we don't have our natural and innate abilities to maintain healthy alignment, when we can no longer use all of our faculties to sense danger and examine reasons for mistrust, this toxicity can deteriorate even the strongest teams.

So I say the following with love: Leaders shouldn't be afraid of their darker tendencies. Much like a friend in dire straits, our shadow selves just want to feel seen, validated and understood. By bringing our shadow selves into the light, these qualities can transform average managers into strong leaders. When our shadows are brushed off or gaslit, we breed a form of non-acceptance within ourselves, making external checks and balances viscerally offensive and basically impossible.

I find Maya Angelou's wisdom still holds true: "People will forget what you said, what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." How can we use this to understand what we want, and arguably need, from remote work?